Grace Walk Chapter 2: Darkness Before Dawn

“That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death “ (Phil 3:10)

I only want one thing in life- Jesus. That I may know Him. I don’t want a new plan, a new motivation, or a story of Christian success. I want Him. I am done with me and my Christian lifestyle (or lack of it at times).

Steve writes in his book on page 26, “I give God permission to do anything He wishes to me, with me, in me, or through me that would glorify Him. I once claimed these rights as mine, but now they belong to God and are under His control. He can do with them anything He pleases.”

As I read on, I was challenged to list the things that brought me a sense of worth in life. For me, this included: my knowledge about certain things, my experiences, my social status, my plans, having it “all together”, and even my sanctification. They were all about me and how I appeared to others. They were all things that I really liked about my Christian lifestyle and felt good about when I was succeeding at them. Having all of those aspects seemed like a well rounded, acceptable package.

The problem was that the focus was all on me- all I could do or not do. If I sought hard after those things, I would appear as a joyful Christian bringing God glory. If I was in the pit for a while and didn’t seek after those things, I would appear as a Christian who is failing on my part and is not choosing to seek God and not bringing Him glory. See? It all goes back to me, and what I’m doing or not doing when in fact, I am completely missing the whole point!

Steve writes, “It is God’s purpose to bring us to the place where we rest totally in the sufficiency of Christ within us in every situation. Yet we have all learned how to handle life’s circumstances by what we do ourselves. Many American’s believe that God helps those who help themselves. And sadly, many Christians have spiritualized that same false philosophy and concluded that God will bless us as we ‘do our part.’” (p. 29)

I had this mentality that in order for sanctification to progress, I needed to be doing all I could on my part, and whenever I couldn’t do anymore, that’s when I would pray that God would step in with His supernatural work and do the rest. I have since then, by God’s grace, come to see that none of my obedience is from me. Colossians 1:29 says, “For this I toil, struggling with all His energy that He powerfully works within me.” Anything that I do in this life is all a gift from God and all through His power.

We please God when we rest in Him. That’s all there is to it. Steve reminds us that, “resting in Christ is the sole responsibility of the Christian. Everything else flows out of that (p. 37)…He isn’t interested in what we can do for Him. Christ is interested in living His life through us.” (p. 35) Just as Mary chose to sit at the Savior’s feet, we need to choose everyday to rest in Jesus. It is so easy to take our focus off of Jesus and focus on merely serving Him. We totally miss the boat when we do that.

Life with Jesus is about an intimate, beautiful relationship with the Father. It’s not about how many good works we can do for Him or how we can serve Him better. Although good works have a place in the Christian life, their place is that which comes from the overflow of our precious relationship with Him.

Father, thank You for grace. I can’t imagine life without it, life without You. When I get distracted with the troubles and worries of this life, even serving You, gracefully turn my gaze back on you. Help me rest in You, and as I do, pour out Your life and light through me. Grace me with a thankful heart that continually looks to You and offers up thanks with every breath. Keep molding me and teaching me, Father. I love you, Amen. 

Grace Walk Ch. 1: Miserable Mediocrity

Living the Christian life, living in Christ, is not about mastering or overcoming certain sins. Living victorious is not by means of trying harder or being more disciplined. These practices will leave one unsatisfied, empty, and defeated.

The majority of Christians would agree that we do not have to do anything to receive Christ’s perfect righteousness at the time of salvation. However, many Christians “seem to believe that the rules change after they are saved…that keeping certain rules will help them grow in the Christian life.” (p. 19). It’s as if we need to improve our spiritual performance and daily continue to climb the ladder of Christian success.

This so often leads Christians into a pit of failure. We feel defeated, tired, guilty, confused, and unsatisfied. If we struggle with or give in to sin or just don’t seem to have it together, God will act and think toward us with anger, frustration and maybe not as much love. However, if we read our Bible for thirty minutes in the morning, pray for twenty minutes, say nice things to our kids, and act politely to strangers, God will be pleased and hopefully love us that day.

This kind of thinking leaves us walking on a thin tightrope of to-do’s and fear of not pleasing the Father. We think in terms of either victory or failure when that is totally not even the point. We get so focused on the doing that we forget about what is already done. Is this true freedom? Is this what being in Christ is all about? Steve says, “…Victory is not a reward but a gift.” (p. 16).  Do we really believe that? We already have victory in Christ; we do not need to struggle to earn it. We already are victorious, and it is by nothing that we have done, are doing, or can do; it is a gift.

Steve also says “Even when I had done nothing wrong, I would feel guilty for not doing all the things that I believed I should be doing.” (p. 17) That is a picture of me. My whole life consisted of an unending circle of living rightly but knowing I could still be doing more for God. This, in turn, would leave me feeling guilty and like a failure. In turn, I would spend time in the Word, praying, asking forgiveness, and convincing myself that I felt better because I should if I did all those things. I figured, I shouldn’t spend too much time having a pity party because it took time away from trying to get back on me feet and working at being a good Christian.

My same thoughts are expressed on page 17, “Yet no matter how hard I tried, I never experienced real peace about my Christian life.” I always had an uneasiness that constantly gripped me and kept me from experiencing true freedom and joy in Christ. The truth was, instead of experiencing joy in Christ, I was trying to find fulfillment through my Christian lifestyle (p. 19). It wasn’t really even about Christ at all. It was about me.

My entire focus was wrong. I was depending on myself for a full life, for joy, for peace. I didn’t even realize it though. I was deceived thinking that if I try my best at doing what the Bible says, and if I muster up love for the people in my life, then God is pleased, and this is what the Christian life must be about. I thought that simply trying my best and doing it “with all my heart”, God would be pleased and everything would be good.

I am reminded of the very familiar verse, “Whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him. “ (2 Cor. 5:9). I used to believe that it meant wherever we are, whatever we’re doing, our main focus, our main goal is to do what God says and to follow His commands, and then we will make Him happy. I thought to please the Lord was to perform a list of biblical duties for Him.

However, by God’s grace, He has shown me that He is already pleased with me because when He looks at me, He sees Christ’s perfect righteousness. He sees a life of perfection and blamelessness. He doesn’t look at me and see sin. He doesn’t look at me with condemnation (Rom. 8:1).  There is so much freedom and power by simply believing in what Christ has done. 1 John 3:23 says, “And this is His commandment: We must believe in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as He commanded us.”

So now my struggle is not a struggle of work and toil but a struggle of resting (Heb. 4:9-11) and living in Christ (Gal. 2:20-21). It is one of swimming in the pool of grace and offering up a thousand words of thanks to the Father. It is a life loving others because Christ first loved me (1 John 4:19). It is a glorious struggle and one that He so powerfully works in me and through me (Phil. 2:13).

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy to bear, and my burden I give you is light.” Isn’t that a beautiful picture of resting in Christ and His perfect life and finished work on the cross?

Dear friends, when I try to live this life by my strength and my power, and when I fail and grow weary and sin, I no longer offer up a prayer and try harder the next time. Steve simply says, “Trying harder will defeat you every time.” (p. 16). When I find myself weak, frustrated and weary, I turn to the Lord and rest. I find strength in Him and His Word, His promises. 2 Timothy 2: 1 says, “My child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Jesus came to give us life to the full (John 10:10), and we find that freedom, that fullness of life when we live by grace in Christ Jesus. 

Grace Walk Book Study & Review

God has been opening my eyes to the wonders of His grace these past few months, and I can't get enough! His grace is so deep, and I feel as if I have only dipped my toes in the pool of His grace. 

I was introduced to this book, Grace Walk by Steve McVey, by a dear friend of mine, and I am really excited to dive in to see what God wants to teach me through it. If you'd like to get a copy yourself and read along, I'd be delighted. You can purchase one here. Thank you for joining me, and I pray that God would take you deeper into the gift of His amazing grace!

Here's a taste of what is to come!                          "I can't tell you how many times I have heard people lament a lack of fulfillment in their Christian life and then conclude that the answer was to get back in church, witness more, start tithing, or pray more. Take it from one who did all those things and still felt unfulfilled- polishing your performance is not the answer! Some of the most miserable people in the world are drowning in a sea of religious activity. The sad thing is that they are absolutely sincere. Can you relate to this? If you can, stay tuned, because I've got some good news for you!" (p. 20)

Happy Saturday!

This is our family. That's me, my husband Kenney, and Isaac, our 13 month old. We live on a very small lake in the woods in central Minnesota. We love it. This picture was taken back in September (no snow and bare trees yet!)

As I sit and type and look out the window at the fresh, fluffy snow, I can’t help but offer up a prayer of thanks to the One who has blessed me so abundantly. The dishwasher is humming softly, classical music plays, and my two greatest blessings are napping so peacefully.

It is Saturday…one of my favorite days of the week. Saturday means that Kenney is home with us, we eat breakfast and drink coffee in the mornings together, and we don’t have much of a schedule planned. Saturdays are when we dream. Saturdays are when we sit and just talk and ponder and wonder. We wonder at God’s promises, His commands, His secrets. We talk about things of this neighborhood, this nation, this world.

We are so incredibly blessed, and we want to share that, give that away. We want to be givers and give of ourselves so completely and abundantly. The amazing thing about that is we will never run out. God's blessings, His love, will never run dry. If we are in Him, we are free to give abundantly. We are free to give and give and give. 

John 10:10 so powerfully says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Do you believe that? Do you live your life hidden in Christ? We have all we need right here in Christ, and no one can take that away. 

A Higher Calling

"Sometimes I would like to ask God, why He allows poverty, famine and injustice in the world, when He could do something about it...but I'm afraid He might ask me the same question." -Anonymous

Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act. - Proverbs 24:12

Ok...I'm sick and tired of pretending I'm only one person and can't do "much" for others in this world particularly for the poor and needy. God has opened my eyes this past year, and the poor and needy, the ugly and the last weigh heavy on my heart. Sure, I can ignore it and it will mostly go away as I go about my days seeking what I want and how I can get more... more stuff, more money, more time for myself, more clothes, more organizing, more food, more ideas???! ahhhh!

God, who has blessed me with much, does not want me to keep seeking and seeking for myself (or maybe those few other people in my life who are easy for me to bless)...but isn't that what I do? What we do? Sure, I'll buy this stuff and to curb my guilt I'll give a few bucks to the missions offering at church. Who are we kidding? Is that the kind of sacrifice that God wants from us? That He has called us to? Just a few easy dollars, minutes, prayers here and there for the suffering?

I am reminded of the passage in Mark 12 that describes the widow's offering of a mere two copper coins (equaling one penny). Verse 43 says, "Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed OUT OF THEIR ABUNDANCE but she OUT OF HER POVERTY has put in EVERYTHING she had to live on."

Are you giving simply out of your abundance just like everyone else, or can you truly say at the end of the day that everything God gave you, you gave away?

Ignorance is bliss at times, and it is easier to live our lives pretending that there are no poor, no needy, no orphans, no widows, no starving, no sick... James 1:27 so beautifully says, "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world."

My resolution: to truly give of myself this year, in big ways and small ways, across the globe and across the street, and to actively seek to love like Jesus and be His hands and feet. (wow...that rhymed!)

God, give me grace as I step out in faith trusting You to continually work through me, sanctifying me. You are great Father, and I want to live for You. I now know that I do not need to do anything to gain your love, acceptance or blessing; all has been finished on the cross, and You are my heavenly Father who loves to pour our Your love and grace on me no matter what I do. I pray that I would never cease to cling to the cross savoring all that You have done for me. Thank you for choosing me and laying down Your life for mine. How wondrous You are. You amaze me. This year, Lord, help me to remember Your promises, Your truths. Help me to live simply, and to continually meditate on things above, things of You. No matter how I feel, what my circumstances are, or where I am, I pray that I would always give thanks and rest in Your glorious grace. Thank You Father. I love you.

JOY: Fleeting Feeling or Humble Choosing?

“Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will.” 

                                     –Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts

All this time I thought I had to protect my joy by controlling the things of this life- what happens and what doesn’t happen. I kept my hand tightly closed trying to shield my joy from all that is bad in this sin-cursed world. I plan my day and manipulate people and things so that I can experience some joy in this day. I don’t simply take what the Lord gives and turn upward in a whisper of thanks. That’s too simple minded, too freeing, too… joyful. I opt to respond with complaining, self-pity, and misery. Yet, by doing that, aren’t I killing the one thing I was seeking? Joy?  Ann Voskamp  writes, “Only self can kill joy… the demanding of my own will is the singular force that smothers out joy- nothing else.”

It is my pride that shatters my joy and closes my hand in attempt to control what in this life is good enough or orchestrated well enough to give me joy…as if the world is here for me. I offer God a closed fist in reply to His gifts as if they are not good enough attempting to shield my heart and protect my joy. It is as if my prideful self is saying, “No Lord, this is not good enough for me. I know what I need, and this is not it.” It is a resounding “No” to His doings, His plans.

But is there light, joy, in a closed fist? Doesn’t it make more sense that, when fists are laid open, receiving all God gives in this life with thanksgiving, that joy, light is found? It is in surrender, in dying to self (Luke 9:23), in humbly receiving all that God gives, good or bad with a resounding “Yes”. It is found when the heart speaks 'Thy will be done.' After all, who am I to label what is good and what is bad? Does not the Lord give me what I need to make me more like Him and I then give Him the glory He so deserves? 

Romans 8:28-29 so clearly says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son.” 

All that the Lord gives in this life is with a purpose and is always and forever making me more like Jesus Christ. Isn’t that good news? What more could I ask for? That is why, whatever I face in life it should be with joy and thanksgiving because I know that the Lord has purposefully brought it into my life for good and to make me more like Him. Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10) Only true joy is found in Jesus. Joy is not a feeling that comes when life goes well. Joy is a choice. Paul commands: “Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, Rejoice.” (Phil. 4:4)

What are you choosing? I challenge you to live life with joy by opening your hand, your heart in humble surrender to everything the Lord gives and thanking Him for the opportunity to become more like Him.

The Journey Begins!

Well, I officially created my first blog, and this is my first post! I hope to use this blog to archive some exciting happenings in our family over the next couple of years, Lord willing. I want this to be a place where I share my thoughts, family events, pictures, and new things I've been learning and trying. I was going to use a journal to do this, but I thought that I'd give this a try! Hopefully I will be able to keep you posted on a weekly basis without it consuming large amounts of time out of my day.


Thank you for coming along on this journey with me and God bless!